Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
the worst of the bad "performing arts" Open mic standup review Part I
I sat on this one for awhile because as you all can tell i am bad at keeping a blog. but last night just reiterated that i had to say something about this. Opinion! BAD STANDUP COMEDY IS HANDS DOWN THE WORST OF ALL BAD PERFORMING ARTS. Seriously i would rather watch performance art which is like watching the kids who did drama in high school ( note: i did drama in high school) all grown up but still acting like they are drama kids in high school. and i would prefer sitting through 1000 bad bands (note: i have probably sat through at least 1000 bad bands) with a smile on my face than attending amateur open mic stand up comedy.
i was in los angeles area for thanksgiving and my wonderful little sister had a friend doing open mic, she was funny, but she was also the second to last comic. so that meant that we had to sit through every other pathetic, sad, unfunny hack before we could watch her and leave. when we got there i was like "okay, they have high life, i can do this." i could not drink fast enough. in retrospect i should have just started shotgunning after the first loser made a sex joke in a fake japanese accent (true story) if i have to go to this particular venue again i will bring a beer bong that says "you're not funny" on the side. THAT would be the only funny thing going on.
So following this champion of craptastic (and racist, but not "funny racist" just really ignorant) comedy we get the frat boy who probably cracks all the other brothers up with his "jokes about fuckin'"(he said that, en serio) so this chief is wearing an affliction shirt, and has a neck thicker than my thigh(i have nice thighs, by the way). his jokes are really mostly about fuckin' which is pretty boring to begin with, then this rad dude blows my mind BY PULLING OUT A PROP. That is not okay. this is not "classic" star search and there was NO sense of irony that he was USING A FUCKING PROP the joke was so unfunny that i will not even waste your time describing it just know that it ended with him wearing a strap-on and nobody laughing.
The next guy kind of sucked but was just sort of "wacky" and "off beat" or whatever. he had dishevelled hair and aviator sunglasses and was fat, he probably wears a headband or a pajama shirt to take notice away from the fact that he isn't really funny.
Then i had an existential freakout dealing with the next guy that just made me wish that the lord god almighty would just destroy this world because it is such a sad sad place. He drove to LA from fresno, sad, and told multiple jokes about how he is bald because he is fucking married, seriously? in 2009? "oh my god i just HATE the person i chose to be my partner for life. she is a soul sucking bitch of a demon and i hope she dies. married!" he did not say that. if he had taken it to a level of ridiculousness then it might have been funny. he made other self deprecating jokes and really should have ended his set hanging himself with the mic cord because there really was no humor or hope in his therapy session.
and last night i did it again. i think that i love hating so much that i continue to do things that i know will make me angry just to get that juicy fresh-squeezed hate.
San Francisco was not much better. i need to collect my thoughts and i will get back to you with another "thrilling" open mic standup review!
i was in los angeles area for thanksgiving and my wonderful little sister had a friend doing open mic, she was funny, but she was also the second to last comic. so that meant that we had to sit through every other pathetic, sad, unfunny hack before we could watch her and leave. when we got there i was like "okay, they have high life, i can do this." i could not drink fast enough. in retrospect i should have just started shotgunning after the first loser made a sex joke in a fake japanese accent (true story) if i have to go to this particular venue again i will bring a beer bong that says "you're not funny" on the side. THAT would be the only funny thing going on.
So following this champion of craptastic (and racist, but not "funny racist" just really ignorant) comedy we get the frat boy who probably cracks all the other brothers up with his "jokes about fuckin'"(he said that, en serio) so this chief is wearing an affliction shirt, and has a neck thicker than my thigh(i have nice thighs, by the way). his jokes are really mostly about fuckin' which is pretty boring to begin with, then this rad dude blows my mind BY PULLING OUT A PROP. That is not okay. this is not "classic" star search and there was NO sense of irony that he was USING A FUCKING PROP the joke was so unfunny that i will not even waste your time describing it just know that it ended with him wearing a strap-on and nobody laughing.
The next guy kind of sucked but was just sort of "wacky" and "off beat" or whatever. he had dishevelled hair and aviator sunglasses and was fat, he probably wears a headband or a pajama shirt to take notice away from the fact that he isn't really funny.
Then i had an existential freakout dealing with the next guy that just made me wish that the lord god almighty would just destroy this world because it is such a sad sad place. He drove to LA from fresno, sad, and told multiple jokes about how he is bald because he is fucking married, seriously? in 2009? "oh my god i just HATE the person i chose to be my partner for life. she is a soul sucking bitch of a demon and i hope she dies. married!" he did not say that. if he had taken it to a level of ridiculousness then it might have been funny. he made other self deprecating jokes and really should have ended his set hanging himself with the mic cord because there really was no humor or hope in his therapy session.
and last night i did it again. i think that i love hating so much that i continue to do things that i know will make me angry just to get that juicy fresh-squeezed hate.
San Francisco was not much better. i need to collect my thoughts and i will get back to you with another "thrilling" open mic standup review!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
something i hope never happens to me.
You know how in comics and sci-fi there is the inevitability that at some point there will be someone peering into a microscope exclaiming "My god! His cells they're ________!" I hope that never happens to me. Disclaimer! If the cells are doing something awesome like, say, regenerating or giving me the POWER OF FLIGHT then this "electronic essay" is rendered null and void.
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